Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Nobody Likes an Attention Whore

Social interaction is a form of exchange, but rather than currency and goods, the coin of the social realm is admiration.  Most brands (and some people) fail to recognize this: their desire is to be popular, to amass followers and have many people like, comment upon, and pass along what they post in social media – but they refuse to pay in kind.   They wish to collect admiration, but give no affection back to their admirers.   And this is a violation of the unwritten rules of social interaction.

Reciprocation is the very basis of society.  People form alliances for practical reasons: they get something from interacting with others.   A one-sided relationship, in which one person acts as a parasite upon another by constantly taking from them while giving nothing in return, is highly undesirable – at least to the party who acts as host to an ungrateful parasite.   Such people are disliked and, when the host has had their fill, they become actively disliked and even shunned.

Yet this is the behavior of most brands in social media: they are shameless self-promoters who want attention, and the celebrity status of being adored by millions while remaining aloof and disdainful of their followers.   They do seem to pay general lip-service – “we thank our customers” and “we appreciate our fans” – but in terms of their behavior in general, it certainly doesn’t show.   In this sense, it’s fair to say that most brands are attention whores, who demand admiration and affection while giving none in return – and yet they wonder why their social media campaigning has such poor results.

Reciprocity is one of the most powerful weapons of influence, so powerful that it is a common tactic used by con artists: they pretend to like someone, do them a small favor, and then ask for a much larger favor in return.  And quite often, they get it.   Normal people are fair in their dealings with others, and this can be easily exploited – if someone likes them, they feel they must like them back; if someone does them a favor, they feel they owe a favor in return.   They feel uneasy, like the scales of justice are out of balance until they take action to even things out.   But to leverage this propensity, one must take the initiative – to give before asking for something in return.

This can be seen in social media: if you follow a person on Twitter, chances are they will follow you back; if you view someone’s profile on LinkedIn, chances are they will view yours; if you “like” someone’s post on Facebook, chances are they will “like” one of your posts in a relatively short amount of time.   Show interest in someone, and they will reciprocate by showing interest in you.   But you must make the first move if you want to initiate a relationship with another person.

Granted, this is not universally true: there is the concept of the creep/stalker who follows people around on social media.  Psychologically, men are more likely than women to welcome the affection of a stranger (women take it as a threat) – and it does depend on what kind of person is showing affection.   There are some individuals who are distrusted, whether for superficial reasons (their appearance or reputation) or practical concerns (their behavior).  But for the most part, people respond warmly to those who warm to them.


But back on point: the behavior of most brands in social media is entirely parasitic: they want to be “liked” and even abjectly beg people to follow them, but they do not like or follow others in return.   It’s rare, almost unheard of, for a brand to “like” a post by one of their customers or prospects – and it seems to me that if a brand wishes to make successful use of social media, it should consider what it is willing to give in exchange for what it wishes to get.

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